It's official!

Facebook official that is!  

No explanation needed...I finally came out.

Thinking and worrying...

I know the worrying isn't good. I just have so much on my mind.

I'm going to have to be out of so much work when I have the baby then turn around and have the thyroid removed and radioactive iodine treatment too..it's about 6 weeks between each thing. We'll have a newborn baby and I will be at my worst ever..not able to properly care for him/her. 

I was really hoping to breast feed for at least a year but that isn't an option now. I am going to ask my doctors if they will allow me to do so at the very beginning...at least until I have surgery..I'd like it if they'd let me pump until its time for radiation and store as much as my body will make before that.

I don't know how well that will work out though. It's very disappointing. 

With me being out of work for that period of at least 3 months, I am worried about money. We're a two person income and we need every bit of both. We'll have all these doctor bills to pay for my treatment. A new baby to feed and clothe and diaper. Someone will have to be here besides me to help care for the baby after I have surgery and all. Thankfully, Justin has lots of time he can take from work and still get paid. That's one good thing about working for the State. Plus Justin's mom doesn't work and my mom plans to do whatever she has to. I have a big support system but its just going to be so hard.

I went ahead and told my supervisors at work so they know what I'm dealing with. I also told my partner at work who I've been friends with since kindergarten. She knew I went for the tests and was very concerned. She and I work hand in hand and depend on each other. They've been so understanding. They said not to worry about my job. They'll also be moving me to day shift soon whenever they can hire a replacement and get them up to speed on my responsibility at night. I'm wondering what responsibility I'll have if they're giving what I'm currently doing to someone else...I'm such an over-achiever and I don't want to go back to not having any responsibility.

Sorry, I feel like I'm rambling but that's how my mind is right now.

Bad News

This is so hard for me to type. I'm so scared even though the prognosis is good. I went Monday for a biopsy on my thyroid. We discovered a nodule the week before I found out I was pregnant as I've mentioned before.

The results came back and it is malignant. Papillary carcinoma to be exact. I'm so freaked out right now. I have myself and this baby to think about. The doctor said its not aggressive so we could potentially wait until after delivery in February. It just depends on if it changes during our monitoring it. The best time to operate during pregnancy is 2nd tri. Then after baby is born I have to have radioactive iodine treatment  as well so there goes my breast feeding. She said treatment won't be easy and with a newborn even harder. I'm just so scared right now. I'm so young and its a lot to take in all at once. Yesterday I was pretty strong but today I'm a crying mess. Yesterday I had my family and it was easier to be strong...today I feel broken.

Happy 4th!!

Happy 4th of July!!!

Yesterday was my 27th birthday whooh-hooh I'm getting OLD! I feel that way, anyway.

I hate that I haven't written on schedule this week but one thing after another has happened and I've been exhausted.

I haven't felt good most of the week. My nodule has started to cause me pain. I went to the ER because I couldn't swallow and wasn't able to force myself to eat/drink on Tuesday. BAD IDEA. Mom and I spent 9 hours there...and all they did was test my thyroid levels (which are still perfectly fine, thankfully) and give me a bag of fluids.  But I did get my biopsy moved up from August 1st to Monday morning. So, maybe we'll get some answers...and good ones!

I go see my OB tomorrow. Keep in mind this will be my first appointment for my pregnancy and also the first time I've met this doctor so I'm a little nervous. I have no idea what to expect. I know they'll want to take a bunch of medical history information and stuff...but will we get to hear baby's heartbeat? I hope so..I think I will be disappointed if we don't. It really just doesn't feel real to me yet so I want the confirmation. I have seen the tests so I know I am but I just don't exactly FEEL pregnant. I won't feel baby move for a long time, but hearing the heartbeat...that can be done now. I will be 6 wks 5 days tomorrow based on my ovulation date.

Wish me luck!