I am truly sorry to anyone who has recently faced this same loss...but I wanted to give my experience to those who aren't sure what is right for them. Hopefully, although all experiences are different, my experience will help someone out there along with their grief or make a decision on how to move forward.
At our 9 week 2 day ultrasound baby was measuring only 8 weeks 5 days but had a great strong heartbeat at 170. I went back for my 12 week checkup at 11 weeks 5 days and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat with the Doppler so he scheduled me to come in again the next day for an ultrasound. He assured me that everything was probably okay but he wanted to make sure..he really thought he just couldn't find it because I'm overweight.
Well, the opposite was in fact the truth. Baby had stopped developing soon after that ultrasound. The baby measured the same as the last ultrasound though it had been almost 3 weeks and there was no heartbeat.
My doctor gave me 3 choices...waiting to see if I would miscarry naturally, taking Misoprostol/Cytotec to have more control over when it happened or straight for a d&c.
I opted for the medication. I wanted to avoid the d&c if at all possible and my doctor seemed to think without the medication my body didn't seem to be recognizing that I had lost the baby. So I waited a few more days to see if my body would do it on its own and it didn't so on Monday I started my first round of the medication... I took down an account of what I was thinking and doing as I went along so I will insert that below for the full detailed story...
I also read as much as I could find about others experiences while waiting for things to happen. I read a lot about crazy side effects which made me worried but I didn't have anything that wasn't normal through this process..like pain.
10/26/15
10:30am.
With the help of My husband we just inserted the Misoprostol as far as he could into my vagina. The doctor prescribed two rounds of 4 200 mcg tablets inserted into the vagina 8 hours apart. I have already taken one Percocet to try to manage the pain before it starts. My plan is to lay in bed for as long as I can to let the tablets dissolve.
My daughter is at my husbands moms house so as not to be around during the painful stuff..so I really hope it's over today and I pass everything. I don't know if I have prepared well but I did my best. I'm currently in the bedroom laying in the bed. I purchased a plastic drop cloth from the dollar store to place over our bedsheets and then put a really old sheet on top of that (it happens to be red so hopefully I can wash and save it if it comes to that). I've got my phone and charger as well as the tv to try to take my mind off things. For now let's just see how things progress.
2:00pm.
I got up to pee and noticed just a bit of blood on the pad and a bit of brown blood when I wiped mixed with a ton of mucus..not sure if it's because I took the Percocet or what but I haven't really felt any cramping or anything yet..it's getting close to time I could take another and I don't know if I should..since I haven't been hurting. I just don't want the pain to get ahead of me where I can't get control of it...so I will take another soon.
7:30pm
I've had some pretty bad cramps and am bleeding a bit heavier. I just took my second dose of the Misoprostol...the directions were after 8 hours and I waited for 9 hours. I also took another Percocet at this time. I could tell when I inserted the Misoprostol that my cervix was definitely opened up some so hopefully things will pick up and be over soon.
9:30pm
Cramping is getting pretty intense...feels like what I'd think contractions would feel like since I've never had them...it would feel like stabbing pain and hold for some time and then ease off...I asked my husband to come to the bedroom not to leave me and after a while, I asked him to bring me an ibuprofen to switch up from Percocet to help with pain since I'm actually allergic and was starting to feel some side effects. I have taken it enough to know my limit of doses and when to stop so the effects go away. After a bit, I got up and took a hot shower to try to relax and ease the pain. Finally after that, he suggested I try to get some sleep. So I did.
10/27/15
12:40am.
I just woke up to feeling like I was bleeding or my water had broken so I headed to the bathroom and took off my panties in the bathtub. As soon as I did lots of clots and possibly tissue fell out of me. I dug through the clots looking for anything solid or that would appear to the baby but I didn't feel or see anything. Eventually I gave up and washed the material down the drain. I had a hard time emotionally doing this because I really want to find the baby so that we can properly bury it. This was the largest amount of material that has come out this far and so I can't help but wonder if I missed something...or what if somehow the baby sort of dissolved..is that possible? I'm still experiencing the cramps pretty intense so maybe it was just that clotty material and I haven't passed the baby yet.
6:30am
I'm awake for the day...not much else has happened...just bleeding like a period and a bit of slight cramping.
4:30pm
I just heard back from the nurse at my OB's office. I let her know the second set of pills did not dissolve but fell out about two hours after insertion. She is going to let the doctor know but said most likely if nothing else happens besides the clots I originally had they may go ahead and prescribe one more dose but she will let me know once she has spoken with the doctor.
5:15pm
I was preparing to go to the pharmacy and pick up my next dose of the medication they ordered. I got up and did some moving around a little and had some more tissue-like material come out..almost solid like the padded lining of my uterus it would seem...
I got cleaned up again and dressed to go to pick up the medication and headed to my mother in laws house to eat dinner and pick up my daughter..all the while I'm cramping.
10:30pm
I took a Percocet and inserted the 3rd dosage of Misoprostol vaginally and laid down for bed.
10/28/15
2:00am
I woke up in unbearable pain so I went and got in the tub. I was sitting down and felt something coming out so I gave a little push and what came out next was pretty unmistakably the baby. It was not in the sac or anything just fetal looking tissue...much smaller than I would have expected but I read they will shrink if they go undelivered. I could make out what was the head and kind of see where the legs were even though I could tell it definitely had shrunk from its former state. I took a quick, warm shower and put the baby in a box for burial. I'm still hurting and feel like there is more to come so I moved to the toilet since I couldn't get comfortable in the tub anymore and the warm water wasn't helping the pain I'm still experiencing. After a bit......I finally felt I had to get up to take another Percocet and after about 20-30 minutes that started to ease the pain and I laid down and fell back asleep.
6:45am
We got up before Justin had to be at work so that we could lay the tiny baby to rest. On day one of this ordeal, I decided to name our baby. Justin wasn't really sure that was normal but he told me to do what I needed to do. I decided to name it Bailey Emerson Brown...since Bailey is gender neutral...I felt like it worked since we didn't know if it was a boy or girl and won't in this lifetime. When we had our daughter, we didn't know what we were having and had picked Bailey as a name if it was a boy..so I wanted to still use it. Justin had already chosen and prepared a spot by the fence on the property line so we held each other and said a quick prayer thanking God for the time we had and asking him to watch over our little one until one day we could be together again. We asked for strength during this time. I almost feel at peace now that this part is over.
I will still need to go in and be checked to see if I passed everything..hopefully so and its truly over now...and hopefully I won't need a d&c and it will be complete. I am still bleeding of course and I expect to for a little while..
Overall, I would do things the same way again if given then choices. The worst part was the pain I had this morning when I passed the baby..now that I think about it maybe it was my uterus contracting back to size and that was fine once I got some medicine in me to help deal with it.
It was such a part of my grieving process to see the baby and to give it a proper burial..I just needed that for me to feel at ease with everything. Again, I am so sorry if you are reading this because you are going through the same thing. My heart feels for you and the loss and heartbreak you are feeling right now for the child that will never be. My best advice is that God has a plan for you...he will help you heal and he will bless you again when the time is right.
I send you hugs and many prayers for peace during this time.
-Krystle
No comments:
Post a Comment