Missed miscarriage and my experience with Misoprostol (Cytotec)

I haven't posted anything here in a while...being a working mama takes up all my free time...but because I know the experience will help someone else in my position, I want to write about my experience using Misoprostol/Cytotec to medically manage my miscarriage with our second baby.

I am truly sorry to anyone who has recently faced this same loss...but I wanted to give my experience to those who aren't sure what is right for them. Hopefully, although all experiences are different, my experience will help someone out there along with their grief or make a decision on how to move forward.

At our 9 week 2 day ultrasound baby was measuring only 8 weeks 5 days but had a great strong heartbeat at 170. I went back for my 12 week checkup at 11 weeks 5 days and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat with the Doppler so he scheduled me to come in again the next day for an ultrasound. He assured me that everything was probably okay but he wanted to make sure..he really thought he just couldn't find it because I'm overweight.

Well, the opposite was in fact the truth. Baby had stopped developing soon after that ultrasound. The baby measured the same as the last ultrasound though it had been almost 3 weeks and there was no heartbeat.

My doctor gave me 3 choices...waiting to see if I would miscarry naturally, taking Misoprostol/Cytotec to have more control over when it happened or straight for a d&c.

I opted for the medication. I wanted to avoid the d&c if at all possible and my doctor seemed to think without the medication my body didn't seem to be recognizing that I had lost the baby. So I waited a few more days to see if my body would do it on its own and it didn't so on Monday I started my first round of the medication... I took down an account of what I was thinking and doing as I went along so I will insert that below for the full detailed story...

I also read as much as I could find about others experiences while waiting for things to happen. I read a lot about crazy side effects which made me worried but I didn't have anything that wasn't normal through this process..like pain.

10/26/15

10:30am.

With the help of My husband we just inserted the Misoprostol as far as he could into my vagina. The doctor prescribed two rounds of 4 200 mcg tablets inserted into the vagina 8 hours apart. I have already taken one Percocet to try to manage the pain before it starts. My plan is to lay in bed for as long as I can to let the tablets dissolve.

My daughter is at my husbands moms house so as not to be around during the painful stuff..so I really hope it's over today and I pass everything. I don't know if I have prepared well but I did my best. I'm currently in the bedroom laying in the bed. I purchased a plastic drop cloth from the dollar store to place over our bedsheets and then put a really old sheet on top of that (it happens to be red so hopefully I can wash and save it if it comes to that). I've got my phone and charger as well as the tv to try to take my mind off things. For now let's just see how things progress.

2:00pm.

I got up to pee and noticed just a bit of blood on the pad and a bit of brown blood when I wiped mixed with a ton of mucus..not sure if it's because I took the Percocet or what but I haven't really felt any cramping or anything yet..it's getting close to time I could take another and I don't know if I should..since I haven't been hurting. I just don't want the pain to get ahead of me where I can't get control of it...so I will take another soon.

7:30pm

I've had some pretty bad cramps and am bleeding a bit heavier. I just took my second dose of the Misoprostol...the directions were after 8 hours and I waited for 9 hours. I also took another Percocet at this time. I could tell when I inserted the Misoprostol that my cervix was definitely opened up some so hopefully things will pick up and be over soon.

9:30pm 

Cramping is getting pretty intense...feels like what I'd think contractions would feel like since I've never had them...it would feel like stabbing pain and hold for some time and then ease off...I asked my husband to come to the bedroom not to leave me and after a while, I asked him to bring me an ibuprofen to switch up from Percocet to help with pain since I'm actually allergic and was starting to feel some side effects. I have taken it enough to know my limit of doses and when to stop so the effects go away. After a bit, I got up and took a hot shower to try to relax and ease the pain. Finally after that, he suggested I try to get some sleep. So I did.

10/27/15

12:40am.

I just woke up to feeling like I was bleeding or my water had broken so I headed to the bathroom and took off my panties in the bathtub. As soon as I did lots of clots and possibly tissue fell out of me. I dug through the clots looking for anything solid or that would appear to the baby but I didn't feel or see anything. Eventually I gave up and washed the material down the drain. I had a hard time emotionally doing this  because I really want to find the baby so that we can properly bury it. This was the largest amount of material that has come out this far and so I can't help but wonder if I missed something...or what if somehow the baby sort of dissolved..is that possible? I'm still experiencing the cramps pretty intense so maybe it was just that clotty material and I haven't passed the baby yet. 

6:30am

I'm awake for the day...not much else has happened...just bleeding like a period and a bit of slight cramping. 

4:30pm 

I just heard back from the nurse at my OB's office. I let her know the second set of pills did not dissolve but fell out about two hours after insertion. She is going to let the doctor know but said most likely if nothing else happens besides the clots I originally had they may go ahead and prescribe one more dose but she will let me know once she has spoken with the doctor.

5:15pm

I was preparing to go to the pharmacy and pick up my next dose of the medication they ordered. I got up and did some moving around a little and had some more tissue-like material come out..almost solid like the padded lining of my uterus it would seem...

I got cleaned up again and dressed to go to pick up the medication and headed to my mother in laws house to eat dinner and pick up my daughter..all the while I'm cramping.

10:30pm

I took a Percocet and inserted the 3rd dosage of Misoprostol vaginally and laid down for bed.

10/28/15

2:00am

I woke up in unbearable pain so I went and got in the tub. I was sitting down and felt something coming out so I gave a little push and what came out next was pretty unmistakably the baby. It was not in the sac or anything just fetal looking tissue...much smaller than I would have expected but I read they will shrink if they go undelivered. I could make out what was the head and kind of see where the legs were even though I could tell it definitely had shrunk from its former state. I took a quick, warm shower and put the baby in a box for burial. I'm still hurting and feel like there is more to come so I moved to the toilet since I couldn't get comfortable in the tub anymore and the warm water wasn't helping the pain I'm still experiencing. After a bit......I finally felt I had to get up to take another Percocet and after about 20-30 minutes that started to ease the pain and I laid down and fell back asleep.

6:45am

We got up before Justin had to be at work so that we could lay the tiny baby to rest. On day one of this ordeal, I decided to name our baby. Justin wasn't really sure that was normal but he told me to do what I needed to do. I decided to name it Bailey Emerson Brown...since Bailey is gender neutral...I felt like it worked since we didn't know if it was a boy or girl and won't in this lifetime. When we had our daughter, we didn't know what we were having and had picked Bailey as a name if it was a boy..so I wanted to still use it. Justin had already chosen and prepared a spot by the fence on the property line so we held each other and said a quick prayer thanking God for the time we had and asking him to watch over our little one until one day we could be together again. We asked for strength during this time. I almost feel at peace now that this part is over. 

I will still need to go in and be checked to see if I passed everything..hopefully so and its truly over now...and hopefully I won't need a d&c and it will be complete. I am still bleeding of course and I expect to for a little while..

Overall, I would do things the same way again if given then choices. The worst part was the pain I had this morning when I passed the baby..now that I think about it maybe it was my uterus contracting back to size and that was fine once I got some medicine in me to help deal with it.

It was such a part of my grieving process to see the baby and to give it a proper burial..I just needed that for me to feel at ease with everything. Again, I am so sorry if you are reading this because you are going through the same thing. My heart feels for you and the loss and heartbreak you are feeling right now for the child that will never be. My best advice is that God has a plan for you...he will help you heal and he will bless you again when the time is right. 

I send you hugs and many prayers for peace during this time.

-Krystle

Overdue update

It has been so long since I've written here..life has been busy.

I am back to work full time and am caring for my beautiful 6 month old! (How did that happen!?)

As far as my cancer goes, the doctors believe that with surgery and radiation I am now good to go. I will of course continue to be monitored for any return and have to have regular bloodwork and take thyroid replacement hormone for the rest of my life..but overall it's not too bad in the grand scheme of things.

My pretty girl went for her 6 month check up yesterday and she's up to 11lbs & 10oz..24 inches long. She's still not on the charts but the doctor is very pleased with her progress because she is continuing to grow towards the chart rather than parallel with it. 

He gave us the go ahead to officially start solids after her surgeries..he'd asked us to wait at her 4 month visit and until now we'd given her a taste here and there but now he wants us to go full speed ahead..my baby is growing up so fast!

diary entry from within these four walls

I really should post more often if I expect anyone to be able to keep up with what's going on around here. I have a goal of once a week and that hasn't happened by a long stretch.

Georgiana has been home for the second time since March 1st and has been doing so much better this time around. She's such a happy baby...you'd never know by her attitude all she's been through. She's still on the small side though..just passed 8lbs on Monday and today she is 14weeks old (8 adjusted). Time flies when you spend all your time with a baby!!

She is the most precious thing and I love waking up Saturday morning with her so happy and cooing and Justin being at home. She definitely loves spending time with her daddy since she has me to herself all day every day. She and I spend most days cuddling...I'm soaking in every minute I have with her...soon I will be going back to work. I really wish I could take a few years off but we need the money. I've been out for far too long and have been very lucky to have been able to be there for her and with her during her hospital stays and to have a few great weeks at home just me & her while daddy is at work. Its time now for me to get back to reality though.

I'm currently spending two weeks away from my little family in isolation due to receiving my radioactive iodine treatment on Wednesday...I'm only on day 3 and I feel like such a prisoner. I've literally been locked in a bedroom at my Mom's house...only leaving the confines of these four walls to go to the bathroom which is right outside the door. Mom has me set up with a tiny dorm size fridge from their shop so I'm just hanging out no TV or anything...just internet and books to entertain me. After tomorrow I should be able to go out for short periods of time as long as I stay a certain distance from my mom & step dad.. These last few days have been rough. I just want my sweet cuddle bug but of course I'm here because I don't want her exposed to the radiation...so it will be next month before I see her or Justin again.

The treatment itself wasn't so bad. I just had a little swelling in my neck and my mouth has been dry and has a nasty taste. I keep brushing my teeth but it won't go away. Today everything I drink tastes so sweet when normally it does not. I was so tired after the treatment I slept for the better part of 24 hours...and I'm not entirely sure I was that tired just from the treatment...having a 3 month old that still wakes twice in the night wears on you.

I go next week on the 25th to do my whole body scan to see if the cancer had spread anywhere else. I'm sure I won't get those results until I see the doctor next month though.

Whirlwind that is my life...

So much has happened since my last post. I wanted to post this great story about breaking my little girl out of the NICU and getting her home and falling into a healthy happy baby routine...but the reality is that only half of that is really true.

We were discharged to go home on Thursday, February 7th. I really wonder if something had started to go wrong then because she had started not wanting to take her full bottle...but we'll never know.  (TMI warning- with kids, anything goes) By Saturday, she seemed to be having lots of loose poopy diapers but when I called her pediatrician they said it was normal..and probably from the change in ready-made formula to the powder kind...

On Monday, the 10th, I have my total thyroidectomy and 6 lymph nodes were removed.  I was in a ton of pain & had to stay overnight so it was Tuesday afternoon when I got home. Justin went back to work on Wednesday and his mom came out to the house to take care of the baby since my surgery limited what I could/couldn't do.

Friday, baby's first Valentine's Day, I decided I wanted to take her to see the pediatrician again because I didn't think something was right. She was still pooping loose stools & her incision site/area seemed a bit puffy to me. She just acted like she didn't feel well. I got her dressed in her cute little Valentine's Day outfit after she had her bottle & when I went to put her in the car seat she threw up all over her outfit. I didn't think anything of it because sometimes if we moved her around too much, she'd do that in the NICU. So...off to the doctor we went. He said her poop looked fine & he could not feel anything wrong with her belly & she had normal belly sounds.

I feel like I should have better advocated for my child right then & there but at the same time you trust your doctor to know if something isn't right.

On Sunday, around noon she started vomiting. We gave her pedialite as instructed by the after hours care to help keep her hydrated and followed up Monday morning with her pediatrician's office via phone. They said it was probably a bug because the pedialite stayed down through the night and instructed us to work her back onto her formula.

She was doing okay with that and so Justin & I left her with his mom so I could go to my post op appointment about my thyroid. I learned that 3 of the 6 lymph nodes taken had tested positive for cancer so the radioactive iodine is a must.

Grandma called as we were leaving to come home saying the baby had started crying and she couldn't get her to stop. Grandma is a pro when it comes to babies too because keeping babies/kids is what she's done as long as I've known her. When we got home, the baby was screaming and it wasn't a normal cry it was an I'm in pain cry...something I hope I never ever have to hear again.

We took her to pediatric after hours care since it was after hours and they sent us straight to the ER. Once there, they knew something was bad wrong but didn't know what and they felt they couldn't treat her because of her surgery so the transport team from Children's was paged out to come & get her while the hospital continued to run tests. It took several hours for them to arrive and it was close to 5am before we arrived back in Atlanta by ambulance.

We took her for x-rays and at 6:30 we met with a surgeon. She said with the x-rays they could see something was wrong and she would need to have another surgery. They wouldn't be able to tell exactly what was wrong until they got in and were able to see with their eyes. By 8:30 they were taking her back to get prepped and surgery started at 9.

It turns out her first surgery caused scar tissue to create a second blockage and her intestines perforated and leaked the contents out into her belly.

So....I was not expecting this but emotionally I'm not too banged up...just worried about my little girl through this crazy whirlwind of 10 days we've had.

almost home

Georgiana has been doing so well in her recovery that we're almost home. I feel it coming.

We've taken all our discharge classes...she just has to sit in the car seat 2 hours. They increased her to everything by mouth today so hopefully they'll get that NG tube out in the next day or so.

The doctor said today that probably by the end of the week we'll be busting out & heading south...I sure hope so. I can't wait to be home & get this little girl home.

I'm also having my thyroid surgery on Monday with pre-op on Friday so it would be amazing to get her home and settled before that happens.

Busy being a NICU Mom

Georgiana is 18 days old today. She has come so far in these last two and a half weeks.

When I first got to hold her at 4 days old she was so tiny...now her arms and legs and face have filled out a bit. I'm probably biased but I think she's the cutest little girl ever.

Her recovery has been going great. When she was 9 days old, they took that awful suction tube out and she didn't require oxygen so they placed  an NG tube and she started getting continuous feeds at 1 tiny ML/hr. She even had her first poop which meant everything was working.

Lots of firsts happened. Justin changed his first poopy diaper. I gave her a bath...my first time but not hers. I got to do skin to skin or kangaroo her. They also worked her feedings up and yesterday she was at 11ML/hr and she was given her first bottle. YAY!!!! She did so great with it and drained it dry. Now they're going to work with her every day on taking bottles so we can be ready to go home.

Justin and I are in the unit with her every day...sometimes all day. I've been pumping milk for her so she's been on my breast milk since she started feeds but my supply isn't increasing so we hit the bottom of my supply last night and now she's going to also be supplemented with formula which is sad for me because my body's just not doing what it needs to yet again. I pump every few hours 'round the clock and only get enough for a few feeds. I'm hoping I will do better if they let her try to nurse directly but we'll see.

Grand entrance...

I've had a few days, but I wanted to get this written before details became fuzzy.

Welcoming my daughter into this world at 34 weeks has been an emotional roller coaster. Nothing went as planned but somehow I have this beautiful, feisty little thing down in NICU who has completed half the battle just by being here. She did great and I think it's taken way more of a toll on me than she will ever know.

I honestly can't remember exactly what I wrote in my last update, but Friday morning (January 10th), I had my amnioreduction done. It was long and uncomfortable and they took 2 1/2 liters of fluid from around the baby. It was great, I felt so much better afterwards and the baby seemed to be doing well. We were waiting on results from my 24 hr urine to see if I had pre-eclampsia and if I did, they would transfer me to Atlanta because I would need to deliver.

Well, Miss Georgiana had other plans. A little before 1 o'clock, I went to the bathroom and got back in bed. The nurse who was keeping an eye out on me while my nurse was at lunch came in to put me back on the monitor and the baby's heart rate started dipping dangerously low. They stayed a few minutes to keep an eye out and the next thing I know, I've got oxygen on and there are about 10 nurses in the room all doing something different. They whisked me away for an emergency csection within minutes because priority was getting the baby out! I remember the anesthesiologist asking a bunch of questions before he put me to sleep within minutes. The next thing I know, I'm waking up and someone is telling me I had a girl. They tried to get me to look at her but I guess I wasn't awake enough yet because I opened my eyes again and she was gone. Talk about making an entrance...

It was several hours before I got to see her and they just brought her in on her way to be transported to Atlanta for her surgery at the children's hospital. I got to see her for just a few minutes. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I never knew my heart could feel this much love for someone so tiny. She was 3lbs, 8oz & 17 inches of feisty and they wheeled her away.

Justin went with her to Atlanta and surgery was done the next morning. When they got in there, what was diagnosed before as duodenal atresia turned out to be that her intestines wrapped around her pancreas but the solution was basically the same. She came through surgery great. Sunday, the doctors released me to come see her and that's when the toll of the separation really hit me. It is very hard to leave her in the NICU every night. I just want to take her home.